hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
