you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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