I hate all girls vehemently.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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