I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize