I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
