I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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