I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
