I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i think i have herpe
just one?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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