Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
His nipple licking is glorious
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