My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
