is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
