you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
