He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
