So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
