Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
