It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
