I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
