sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
