hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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