I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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