i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
