it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
