I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
