I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
