last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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