i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
