he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
