he wants to bone in the snuggie
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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