Are we in a gay sports bar?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Pooping to opera.
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