Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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