I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
