Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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