They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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