Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
