yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
