i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
