I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
