Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My vagina is very pro this idea
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
