you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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