He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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