Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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