what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
