So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
