Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize