Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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