I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
