I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize