call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
did i just pee glitter
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
