dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
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Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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