ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
