apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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