Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
