don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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