Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize