i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
