i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize