woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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