woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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