Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
