Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
