i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
