If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
