I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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