her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
