Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
