I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
