So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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