conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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