so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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