i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
