Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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