five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
time to smoke my breakfast
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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