saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
