I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
