dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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