I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
