He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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