Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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