I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
