Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
