Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
