Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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