nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
