Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
