Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
