There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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